Resources
Below these articles you will find some resources listed on the topic of gossiping, bullying, ethics and more to help with the problem of gossip, rumors and bullies.
There are also some help books available on this subject listed in the book store
Communication: Clearing the air, speaking up.
Gracefully ignoring it and hoping for the best doesn't seem to work. Letting it go and hoping it dies down does not seem to work as rumors and gossip can escallate and evolve into something much worse.
Making the truth known does work. A simple statement of -"something is going around about me and it is not true" -may be all that is needed.
For those on the giving and listening end of gossip:
The thing is--- rumors.
Hearing something about someone that is disturbing? Chances are it's a rumor.
The best way to handle rumors...do not pass it on. Communicate. Have questions? Go ahead and ask and going to the source(s) is logical don't you think? Taking answers as fact from just one source when there might be more than one source is not getting all the facts.
And the Golden Rule rules! Put yourself in the other person's place. How would you like it if they were talking about you?!
"Sadly it is easier to pass judgment in our mind or share the perceived offense with others than it is to go to the person being judged."
Rumor defined:
Interpretation based on faulty information, incorrect assumptions, or deliberate misinformation. A piece of unverified information of uncertain origin usually spread by word of mouth. Unverified information received from another; hearsay.
The following by Clinton Clark
One way to spot a false accuser thus empowering the accused is as follows - many times THE main trouble maker is NOT the person who says things but the person with a strong, haughty personality that interigates others in "order to get to the truth". Yet they are not really interested in the truth - they just want to make themselves look better by "exposing evil".
1) accuser clarifys that they are "not really" the one saying it or in some way justifies it.
2) Switch the accusation when confronted.
3) If the accused backs down the accuser gives a "false apology" - if the accused confronts the accused or denies the accusation- their character is put into the spotlight.
here is a typical example:
Accuser: "I was not going to say anything, even though I had heard these rumors before, but now that you brought it (Justification) up so-in-so said that you_____.
Accused: That is not true at all.
Accuser: That doesn't matter (switching) because _____.
Accused: (Makes choice either to confront accuser or back-down)
Accuser: (If person backed down) - "Now if I said anything that was out of line I am so sorry as i would not want to say anything out of line" (false apology to make self look good)
As far as after care - if at all possible confront and make it as "public as possible". I have written a book about my situation, been on TV, radio, in newspaper, even offered to take a lie-detector test, and talked to their pastors, sent a video tape in order to clear my name- but no response from my former circle of "best friends". It has been three years and the pain of betrayal is still very real.
All it takes is ONE person in a family that controls who talks to who and tells everyone else if they have anything to do with their victim then that person is labeled as a traitor or unfaithful to the rest of the friends.
Clinton Clark
author of Betrayed by Gossip
| Some helpful links: | |
| Bullying | Hostile Workplace... |
| Respectful Workplaces | Difficult People |
| OSHA | Online Ethics |
| Thou Shalt Not... | Common Core |